Saturday, April 8, 2023

Who knew, Joy is in being a servant, of creator, of the soul. How quickly I forget.

 Taking the time to tell this story is not what I want to do, but I need to for me, and maybe for you.

Day before yesterday, well, everything just seemed to fall into place. Needed to do business with several business establishments and the people in Farmington just could not have been nicer. They really went out of their way.

But the centerpiece of it, as I was sitting in a parking of the post office digesting the news that a major shipment had been rejected and sent back to California because the label didn't include General delivery, a fellow approached, Perry. We wound up spending several hours together at his inconvenience and warm generous kind joyful insistence.

I talked his ear off because he seemed to be interested in what I had to share. And it was tremendously useful for me in part because I so rarely, I can't remember the last time, I have been able to share with someone for such a duration of time. That's extremely helpful to me. And I hope it was helpful for him, but I'll never know, and he might not either.

He's an independent business person, has been in Farmington for many years, and toward the end he commented how Creator keeps blessing him, with his business, with customers, etc.

And because I had learned that he was strong and there's no way that my comments could be hurtful, I shared, well, but say things materially go bad for you. Does that mean Creator isn't blessing you anymore? And I'm sure I went on a little bit to try and illustrate my point, by saying that I think it works differently than that, the only blessing I want from Creator is the chance to maybe help someone’s soul. I mean if Creator wants me to be mugged tonight, I said, that's awesome, if it might help someone’s soul.

So what I was sharing with him is that much of the time now I'm quite clear that I don't care what happens to me materially, I'm consciously aware reminded by various daily real and imagined threats, various difficulties, that I pretty much don't care what happens to me materially, I care that my life might help revitalize someone's soul.  Knowing full well that that's extremely unlikely to ever happen.

And then comes along yesterday. Everything went wrong. I couldn't cycle, I discovered a critical failure with the hitch of this vehicle. That may or may not be easy to resolve, could be catastrophic. I moved to a part of Farmington that was a, well I guess in the middle of the night I decided that it was called, little dick raceway. Everyone trying to make more noise than anyone else, these horrible noise exhaust belching vehicles. Oh, and once that stopped did I mention the dog that barked forever, sounded like it was right outside the vehicle?

Why was I miserable yesterday? Because of the things I just mentioned? No. The preponderance of time where I feel joyful is exactly because I don't care about such things, I even come to look at them as opportunities to maybe help a soul. But yesterday? After lecturing Perry only the day before? I forgot all of that. Totally forgot all of that. Smh.

Some wonderful, what seemed like successes the prior day, I let them sweep me from being a servant into being the served. Life was now going to serve me with all these wonderful successes. It was hell.

And last night and this morning I began to dig out of it, 1 hour at a time, what's your job James? What's your opportunity? What are we each called to do? Use the hour in front of me for good. And then use the next hour for that. And then the next. And remember that no way shape or form James, are you being measured on whether you're successful. That's totally beyond your control. You're not being held responsible for having things work out well. You're held responsible for using your time attempting good, hour by hour by hour....

And that dug me out of a pretty deep depression, and for whatever amusing reason, everything went well today. Quite possibly the best cycling ever, and many many nice brief encouraging encounters to be able to talk briefly or not so briefly about the things I have to share.

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